Do You Ever Think About It?
by LoreoftheFaye
Summary: Sequel to "Candlelight, Wine, and a God" A series of two vignettes. One set in Season 3 and the other set in Season 4. Probably won't make sense on their own without knowledge of the first fic. Still, please R&R both fics. Thanks! Fic 3 coming soon!
1. Some Other Beginning's End

**For you, Mischief. How can I resist you? lol **

"How can you say that to me?" she demanded, tears filling her large green eyes.

"It's not easy." Her companion replied. "But we have to realize there is no future for us together. What did you think, Buffy? We'd get married, ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after? I can't give you that! I can't have children. I can't age. I can't even take you into the light. I'd spend your life loving you while I watch you age and die."

"But…Angel…I love you!" she protested from several feet in front of him. He nodded and tried to keep the calm front the twisting of his heart betrayed.

"I love you, too. But that's the problem. This love is gonna get us killed. It's already killing us the longer we pretend we can make it work out."

A few of the tears in her eyes slipped down her cheeks soundlessly, falling to the concrete floor beneath them.

"So that's it, then?" she asked bitterly. "Buffy, we're soulmates but I can't be with you?"

"We are soulmates. There will never be a time I don't think of you and no…we can't be together. I can't give you what you deserve. You deserve a life. A normal life."

"I don't give a damn about a normal life." She knew she'd said that once before but it was under different circumstances. The ghost had picked her…and she was beginning to understand him better.

"Yes, you do. If not now then you will. You'll want to get married, have children someday, and have a life out in the sun. I can't even make love to you!"

He cried out the last sentence in anguish. The sound of it echoed in the large space between them. She winced, remembering the only time they'd tried. Over a year ago now. They didn't mention it aloud to each other but she felt the pull of her body calling to his every time she was in his arms. There would always be that between them. When she felt bitter she recognized she should have known this wouldn't end well from their very first kiss when she pulled back to discover a vampire and not the boy she thought.

"When?"

"Soon."

"How am I supposed to breathe without you, Angel? How am I supposed to live with this?"

"You'll find a way. You'll get by. You did last year no matter how difficult I made it for you."

"How?" she asked him helplessly. She leaned against a stone column for support, hugging herself as she tended to do when she felt overwhelmed. He watched her, equally as helpless to dull her pain even when that's all he wanted to do. He was the cause of it and couldn't relent now…not this time.

"Rely on Giles. He's your strength. Ever since I saw you taking comfort with him, on that altar, when I was…him I knew he was your strength."

She stared, dumbfounded, knowing exactly what he was talking about and unable to bring the words to her lips to form the protest that it was only for Xander's sake. That wasn't all it was and she knew it deep down, even if she was in denial.

"Do you ever think about it?" he asked her softly.

"No." _More than I should._

"Buffy. Trust me." He assured her.

So here she was at the door. His door. She tapped on it twice with the back of her knuckles. Her Watcher opened it and immediately his Slayer was in his arms, crying against his blue collared shirt. Without a word he closed the door and closed his arms around her. He held her while she cried without question or explanation given. She was his Slayer and he loved her enough to let her cry. As her sobs echoed through the living room of his flat he smoothed her hair and murmured meaningless comforting words.

When the tears subsided, nothing was solved. The words Angel spoke couldn't be erased this way. It didn't matter to either of them. They'd been Chosen for each other a long time ago and now neither could imagine life without the other. It was a given now, granted. Just being in his arms was enough to calm her breaking heart for now. They had each other. It was enough. It would always be enough.


	2. Hit and a Miss

**This has become the "More Often Than I Should" trilogy. Look out for the last fic "You Were Always The One"**

"I had sex." She declared. Her Watcher blinked, looking at her with wide eyes. "With Riley." She clarified.

They were alone in his flat, drinking tea. Now, keeping track of a Slayer's sex life was not something, strictly speaking, that was in the Watcher's handbook. It wasn't something he needed to keep track of. However, the man before her seemed to know her love life better (and was part of it, mind you) than he cared to admit at any given time. He cleared his throat and set down his teacup.

"I'm sorry. Did I suddenly become 25 years younger and a female? Because those are the only circumstances under which I think that information might remotely be my business."

She rolled her eyes in response, setting her own cup aside. "Do you ever think about it?" she asked him softly.

He was puzzled.

The longer time stretched on between them the more painfully obvious it was that she wasn't going to give him any further clues. The moment his mind found what she was referring to it occurred to him that he should have thought of that right off – there was no other answer. She was talking about the night they had sex…now nearly two years past. On the altar of a temple in the attempt to summon a god and in the midst of Angelus' reign of terror the two of them connected in a physical way he thought about too many times since for his own good.

"I do." He admitted softly. "More often than I should."

She didn't know what to say about that and he cleared his throat. He wasn't the type to fuss much with his hands or fidget in his chair uncomfortably and yet he wanted to. He knew very much what he meant by the statement but he didn't want her to take it the wrong way.

"It's not what you think, Buffy. I wish there had been some other way. One of your memories shouldn't include ritualistic sex with your Watcher while you were underage. Even if it was when you were seventeen and to save your friend…" he sighed. "I wish there had been another way."

That wasn't what he meant but he thought it's what she wanted to hear. The truth of the matter was that he did wish the circumstances were different but for them both. He wished she'd been older, and they had both come to it for a different reason. Before that night he'd never thought of making love to Buffy before. It was simply unheard of. He wasn't in love with her but since it had happened he wished the circumstances had been different. He wished the memory would stop haunting him.

"Oh." She looked crestfallen. He paused.

"Unless it meant…" he quickly backpedaled

"No! It's. It's fine."

"Right. I'm an ass."

"No!" she protested again. "You were right. What you said to me, all of it. You were right."

"I was?"

"Yeah. You told me I still had something to give and that Angel – Angelus couldn't take that from me. Riley loves me, Giles. I feel safe with him. We had sex and nothing's gone wrong. He was still there in the morning."

"Oh, well, very good. I'm happy for you, Buffy."

Yes, quite happy. Bravo, Rupert! You've become a footnote in her sexual history in directly the same capacity you hold for her now…mentor and old guy extraordinaire. Not at all creepy, is it? Bloody wanker. How could you imagine it meant more than that to her? She was young and vulnerable and obviously it didn't mean as much to her as it did to him. The Britishman could have kicked himself for his folly.

Buffy sighed and got up from her chair. "I should go. Riley and I are going patrolling."

"Oh, yes, of course."

He let her out of the door and leaned on it when she stepped through. He felt outdated – useless. He placed a hand on the flat of the door. "Stupid old man." He gritted out. "She doesn't need you."

On the other side of the door Buffy pressed herself against it and tried to imagine the previous conversation going the way she'd intended. She slid her hand up the dark wood and brought it to rest above her. Little did she know but for the wood their hands would be meeting. So would their bodies.

"Giles, I need you." she whimpered.


End file.
